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Letter to Aunty Flo by TESSY ABDULRAZAQ

Hey Ya'all Zamundans....
  Hope everyone is good?..... This is a guest post by Tessy baby and its a letter to our dear Aunty flo... you know the one that refuses to leave us alone every month. I have had this letter for a while but i lost it in my e-mail and then i found it again (i know i sound kind of dumb please dont me!).... Any who enjoy the letter and relate ladies!

This is something I wrote when my aunty flo was in town and her visit was not pleasant in the least bit

Dear Aunt flo,

You have come visiting again, I can't say you are welcome but it will be another wahala if you didn't show up. Your visit every month is distressing for me. Whenever you show up I get sick, my stomach hurts really bad and it feels like someone is playing the piano in my uterus to serenade a lover and I start to roll on the bed like a worm they just poured salt on, I become really nauseous and the slightest foul smell can make me empty all that's in my stomach almost to the point of my intestines and oh let's not even talk about how you make my back and legs feel like that of a fulani man that is being tested to see if he's fit enough to take a wife. Let's take a moment talk about the way you arrive and your stay, Must you make my bed sheet know that you have arrived? Must you announce to my whole class that you are around? Must you make me act like a mad woman, checking everywhere I've sat or stood, going to the ladies to change your 'welcome mat' every now and then and checking my back to make sure you've not announced your presence in grand style by drawing the map of africa on my dress. Oh and the way you make me seem bi polar, displaying different emotions in a matter of minutes, I just feel sorry for those who don't understand that its not me, its my evil aunty flo. I would like to ask you a question...why are you such a party popper/ cock blocker?
P.s I own a calendar, I keep a record of when you will be coming, you don't need to announce your arrival days before by making my boobs feel like stones on my chest and my head feel like they are pounding yam in it and making me cry about everything. Thanks.
As much as you presence is necessary, it is not very appreciated. I will appreciate it much better if you'll just write me a later every month stating clearly that I'm not pregnant and that my reproductive organs are in good shape and you'll talk to me next month. Maybe we'll be good friends then.
Just so you know, you are also referred to as the red monster, bloody mary, red devil, menstromonster etc..see those nicknames? See how dreaded you are?
Anyways, My rant is over, thanks for your usual distressing visit this month, I'll be expecting you next month with your luggage.
Yours sincerely,
Your monthly victim

Comments

  1. Lmao. So true. I wish this could be a real letter. Also wish something can be done about aunty flo. In fact there's something. We just don't know yet. And I'll find out. Because I don't know why such sickness will fall in because of her. Is it our fault. Mxcheeeew.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Aunty Flo never visited me often and I had mixed feelings about it (I was mostly glad though). Now, she comes practically every month! I still have MIXED FEELINGS! (:(

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aunty Flo showed up this morning! My mood is not very pleasant I tell ya

    ReplyDelete

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